Distant Present
I’ll be missing the weddings of two of my favorite people this month. You know the ones; we don’t speak to often, but they’re always in my thoughts. Really. Always. The friends that bring a smile that make you send off that little note. ”I was thinking of you and wondered what you’re up to.” I didn’t know that one, a somewhat eccentric, brilliant, successful, and quiet artist, a friend who’s a few years older, whom I met when I was 18 years old, was in a relationship until I received a request for our address. How special that made me feel, this far away, to be on the list of someone whose list is sure to be very, very short. I was not surprised that I didn’t know. He’s just that kind of guy. Our friendship, like it always has been since those days, is ours. We just are, and he allows me to just be in the small world that is our friendship.
Another friend, in contrast, is the one whose wedding promises to be a huge affair; a party that will outdo all parties with a large network of eclectic friends drawn by sincerity, openness, genuine and tangible love for life and display of love for those in his world. How flattering, too, to be included in this circle because he loves you, or he doesn’t. Simply. We met long ago, in our early twenties, in what he describes as ‘clandestine’ ways. Someone who is true and loyal to himself and his loved ones, has finally found his woman. Finally. And their love is….tangible. They are beautiful. They electrify. They pop. You’d feel it if you saw it.
I feel it in my stomach, the disappointment of missing these celebrations, grand in two very different ways. Two eclectic men of the world who have been elusive in love. Or perhaps it’s that love has eluded them while selecting for them the perfect moment to present their perfect woman.
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One of my best friends is going through what must be a difficult time with her little boy. She handles it with the grace of ….. a mother who loves her child. What is stronger than this? With the patience of moss on a tree, a soft and resilient protective layer over rough patches. I want be there to give her support, hugs and laughs. Lots of laughs and comraderie. I want to be there to love her child, to have him grow with my own boys. To pay her back for everything that she has unknowingly given me, that has made me a better person. She’s beautiful, for her demeanor, her grace, and her ability to laugh. Always the laughs. I see the faces and hear the voices that she makes, as she animates anecdotes of something that has happened.
I’m in a long distance relationships with so many loved and admired good friends, with my history and past. They are my distant present.